Baby Fever

Well every where I turn its like guess who's pregnant?, we're having a ..., baby this baby that.

I'm going to SCREAM!

For my whole life my dream has been to be a wife and a mother.

For almost a year I've been off birth control (bc) and nothing has come of it. We're not really trying but still what's up?

Since I knew "how you get pregnant" I've always had a feeling, strong feeling, it would be very hard or not possible at all for me to get pregnant. Just a feeling I have never actually been told that. 

Now to add to my fear I've been hearing and doing research about the HPV Vaccine Gardasil and the damage it has done to many girls. I was given this shot a few years back as well as tested positive for HPV and had a procedure done to remove the abnormal cells that were cause from a form of HPV.

Well so the damage that has happened to girls who have revived this shot which by the way is given to girls as young as 11. Yes 11, just blows my mind. We do not believe in vaccines (this will be another post) so I don't have to worry about this for our children. Anyways Gardasil has been the cause of death in almost 50 young girls, it made a young girl in Australia infertile, and has been the cause of ovarian cysts and infertility. This is very scary and makes me want to go out and get all the tests done to make sure things are ok down there!!

I tell myself it will happen when it's suppose to. There is a time for everything. But I say that because I'm hiding my true feelings and honestly I'm scared to death .. Scared beyond words. I really do hope it will happen when it's suppose to but deep down I'm worried.

Sorry for this ramble of a post I had to get all my thoughts out cause I'm going to flip out.

I'm truly happy for all my friends who are pregnant and those about to have their babies, even in my sad days I truly and happy for them all but I'm still sad it's not us.

I'm sick of people saying "it will happen when it's suppose to." Or "I thought you two wanted to be married first? Why would you be considering a kids now?" And "you're still so young, you shouldn't worry" .. I want to tell them all to just shut up. Gah