{friends}

OFriend [frend] noun, plural friends. 1. a person not in your family whom you know and like and who likes you; someone you like to spend time with and do things with. 2. someone who supports something by giving help or money: He is a friend of the Arts Society.

 

I was never that girl who had 100 friends, and I was more than fine with that!

I had my best friend and a few other close friends and that was that.  But for some reason those friendships never seemed to last more then a few years.  It was always very hard for me to accept because I was always the friend that invested EVERYTHING and did ANYTHING for my friends and they never did the same. 

(I guess its a good thing I finally realized that cause that's not a way to live life)

 

Any ways after graduating high school I never spoke to any one I went to school with.  They were all still stuck in "high school" mode and I was the grown up. Went to school full time and had a job straight out of school.  It hurt because I felt like I had to start all over again making friends, and that is NOT easy for me.

 

Friends came and left, I had a few boy friends that came and left as well.  It was very hard for me. I didn't think at 18 and 19 it would be so hard to find that friendship everyone talks about.

 

4.5 years ago (by this time I was 3.5 years out of high school)

I met a girl who instantly became my best friend.  We were inseparable right away.  She was not just my best friend but a sister that I never had. 

 

Silly things that happen in Tahoe!

 

Fun times at weddings I didn't want to be at

(she was my sanity when I needed it)

 

Laying on the beach in Tahoe

 

Well 2.5 years ago we had a falling out.  We are both to blame I do blame my self more because I never talked to her about how I was feeling and what not.  I ended up cutting her out of my life, and that was a huge mistake.  A friendship is like a relationship and you have to work hard to keep it and communicate.  I wish I would have just told her how I was feeling and not be a butt head. 

 

With the wedding coming up (in 11 days, eek so excited!) a lot of things have been going through my head.  My mind hasn't shut off in days and even though were not having a bridal party I still think of all my friends and of course her.  We use to spend nights talking, ok planning our weddings and what we would do for our bachelorette parties and so forth together.  I truly makes me sad that we have missed out on so much in each others lives in the last 2.5 years.  We both bought house and she just got married a few months ago. 

 

I know people come in and out of your life for a reason.  But does this count as one of those times?  Was I meant to lose her as a friend?  Or was it all just a result of me being a stubborn ass and not talking about how I felt?

 

Well I'm taking it as my fault and not gods.  I reached out to her last week, and we are going to meet for coffee or a drink soon.  At first I was extremely nervous, like it was a first date with a guy I have never met.  I'm scared she is going to hate me, be mad at me, not let me in.  I'm truly not sure how it will go.  Part of me wants to be strong and not get overly excited because I have no idea what is going to come of this, and I am sure that we wont be back to the way we were right away or maybe even at all.  It has been a long time and we both have changed a lot since then.  But I cant help but hope that things will be better. 

This is just my claim code ignore it 

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